A lack of self-respect can prevent you from fulfilling your potential and developing healthy relationships that don’t devolve into power struggles.  Take the following steps to lean how to respect yourself.

Think about what it means to respect someone.  The qualities that we respect vary from person to person, and the way we express it varies from culture to culture.  Generally, we respect people who have more experience and are more accomplished than ourselves.  But there is also a basic level of respect that most people will agree is right, and does not need to be earned.  Consider what kind of respect (which we’ll refer to as basic respect) entails.  Here are some widely agreed upon signals of respect:

• You don’t steal from, harm, or insult them.
• You are honest with them.
• You listen to what they say, consider their opinion, and avoid interrupting them.

Practice basic respect towards yourself.  We often do things to ourselves that we would never dream of doing to someone we care about.  “When’s the last time you called a friend ugly, told them they weren’t good enough, discouraged them from following their dreams, or sabotaged their happiness?)  Whatever you believe to be respect, apply it to yourself.  Don’t harm yourself.  Don’t insult yourself.  Don’t steal from yourself (like recklessly putting everything on credit; you’re essentially taking money from your future self, because you’ll have to pay up eventually).  Be honest with yourself.  Develop your own opinions and don’t be afraid to stand by them.

Recognize when people disrespect you and take steps to stop it.  A person with self-respect doesn’t allow others to treat them badly, and would rather not associate with someone who is disrespectful.  This might seem obvious, but there are many times when we accept being treated badly (in both big and small ways) because we believe the person doesn’t know any better, or because were not willing to let that person go, or because we’re too down on  ourselves to believe we deserve better.  When someone doesn’t give you basic respect, you need to be able to say, in one way or another, “You just disrespected me and that’s not acceptable to me.  If you don’t respect me, I won’t spend time with you anymore.”  Can you say that, and mean it?  Can you turn your back on someone who’s clearly shown that they don’t respect you?  Once you do, you’ll feel your sense of self-respect go up.

Take care of your body.  A person who neglects their health fails to see how lucky they are to be alive.  When you make an effort to keep your body in good working order, you’ll not only feel better physically, but you’ll also feel a sense of pride.  Respecting your body also means not insulting it for what is naturally.  Make an effort to get fit and stay healthy, but don’t trash yourself over the things you can’t control, like your proportions.  Focus on the things you can change and improve, and do it because it feels good, not because you think you’re not “good enough” the way you are.

Get to know yourself.  The more you understand about yourself, the more you’ll see and appreciate how unique you really are, and the more you’ll respect yourself.  Discover your principles, personality, and talents.  Stop pandering to other people’s approval and start developing your own standards.  Someone else might respect a fancy title, but you might respect creativity.  Whose opinion matters more, in this care?

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Wisely stated by Albert Einstein, which can be generalized to:  Learn from the Past, Live in the Present, and Hope for the Future.  If you do each of these, you will be much happier.

LEARN FROM YESTERDAY

We should, indeed, learn from the past – particularly from the mistakes we have made in the past.  We certainly don’t want to make the same mistakes again.  But we also don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about these mistakes; they’re over and done, and there’s nothing we can do about them except learn from them.  So don’t continue to rehash the, and don’t become obsessed with them.  If you do, they could become a source of frustration, and they could make you fearful of failure in the future.  In short, they could make you very insecure, and this is of course, something you don’t want.  So learn from them.

It is, of course, okay to think about the past occasionally, savoring some of the joys you had experienced, but you should return to the present as quickly as possible.  Don’t develop nostalgia for the past.  This is a common fault with many people; they daydream about how happy there past life was, and how dull and humdrum their present life is.  Maybe your past life was better in some respects, but too many people magnify the happiness of their past life and forget about the struggles and sorrows they experienced.  If your present life appears to be dull compared to your past life, it’s up to you to make it better.

Don’t keep longing for the past.  Today is much more important.  It’s the present – what’s happening now – and you should make the most of it.

LIVE FOR TODAY

Enjoy the day you’re living in.  Wake up in the morning with confidence, and a feeling that the day is going to be the best you have ever experienced.  One of the best ways to do this is to relax and live each day as if it were your last.

Dale Carnegie encourages everyone to live in “Day-tight compartments.”  And it’s the best advice anyone could give you.  As he says, “Half the beds in our hospitals are reserved for patients with nervous and mental troubles, patients who have collapsed under the crushing burden of accumulated yesterdays and fearful tomorrows.  Yet a vast majority of these people would be walking the streets today, leading happy, useful lives, if they had heeded the words… “Live in day-tight compartments”.

In other words:  Shut off the past.  Shut off the future.  Live for today!  This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare for the future; it means you should not have any anxiety about the future.  If you fret and worry about the future continuously you could end up in the nuthouse.

So live one day at a time.  Think of each new day as a new adventure – a new life.  Tell yourself that it’s going to be the best day of your life.  One of the major tragedies of many people’s life is that they keep putting things off.  In particular, they put life itself off.  They’re always telling themselves that life will be better – after they marry, when they retire, and so on.  And as they wait, life passes, and suddenly they discover that it has left them behind.  They have forgotten or perhaps never learned how to enjoy life, or maybe they’ve been too busy and haven’t had enough time.  Life is in the living, and it’s important to learn this.  “Today is our most important possession.  Don’t throw it away.  Cherish it.  Live it.  Enjoy it!”

Our happiness and peace of mind are determined, to a large degree, in how efficiently we shut out yesterday and tomorrow.  Most of your thinking should therefore be directed at what you will be doing between now and when you go to bed.

Happy people don’t allow past failures and problems, or worries about the future, to plague them day after day.  If you do, you will likely end up depressed, anxious and frustrated, and that’s no way to live.  Remember that today is the most important day of your life.  So when you begin drifting into the past or future, bring yourself back to the present as quickly as possible.

HOPE FOR TOMORROW

It’s not that the future is unimportant.  It is, and you should prepare for it.  Prepare for it, but don’t be anxious about it, and don’t worry needlessly about it.  Life is full of problems related to the future: financial problems, worries over your health, worries about getting old.  Some of these will come to pass (such as growing old), but many of them will remain nothing more than worries.

So force yourself to remain optimistic about the future, and the best way to do this is to foster hope.  Never lose hope; hope encourages you to set goals and strive to accomplish them.  It makes you optimistic and gives you faith in the future; it’s the thing that spurs you on.  It makes you dream of better things, and it makes you feel good.

Anxiety on the other hand, depresses and frustrates you.  And it can easily get out of control.  Anxiety feeds on anxiety – it’s a vicious circle.  So get rid of it as quickly as possible, and the way to do this is to fight against all negative feelings and negative thoughts related to the future.  Don’t be fearful of the future – look forward to it.

Article courtesy of Dr. Barry R. Parker.

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There was a time when the powers that be tried to figure out ways to make life easier.  So they invented things like computers, cell phones, PDAs, and MP3 players to achieve this goal.  After all, a happy society is a digital one, right?  Well, not necessarily. 

While many of us have these things (and they do indeed make our lives a little convenient), the happiness gained from them isn’t a long-term thing.  I like my iPod, and I like listening to it when I take a thirty-minute walk, but for the other twenty-three and a half hours that it’s sitting on my shelf, it’s not really doing much for my emotional state.

It seems that as technology has advanced, the pace of society has gotten faster.  However, our overall happiness levels haven’t seemed to rise at all. In fact, it seems that there’s more instances of depression than there ever were back in the days of old-fashioned appointment books and telephones that had cords.  Or maybe depression is just talked about more now.  No matter the reasons, believe every few of us really stop to enjoy the small things in life.  We’re so focused on getting to appointments, answering our cells, and checking our email that many of us forget that there really is a beautiful world beyond our technologically advanced workspace. 

The following is but a small list of the things found in everyday life that can bring us appreciation if we just take the time to notice and acknowledge them for what they are:  small gifts of beauty and acts of kindness that come from a place that technology has yet to find.  While you spend most of your day avoiding the computer, taking even just ten seconds to really appreciate things that come into your life on a regular basis can go a long way towards making you a happier person.

A BEAUTIFUL DAY. Even if you spend most of your day cooped up in the office, at some point, you’re getting to see the outside.  However, most people take the weather for granted.  No matter what it’s ding outside, try to appreciate it.  Bask in the brightness and warmth of a sunny day as you drive to work and opt to take your lunch outside just to enjoy the climate.  Rainy days can be downers, but going outside to dance in the rain can make you feel like a kid again.  Learn to appreciate the power of thunderstorms and the beauty of a freshly fallen snow.  Stopping to appreciate the day for what it is will give you a sense of peace that’s hard to match.

SIMPLE KINDNESS OF A STRANGER.  When people think of kind acts, they usually think of a young man helping an old lady across the road, or charity giving presents to young children whose parents are low on money.  But small acts of kindness can bring just as much joy as the big ones that everyone hears about.  Start noticing the little things people do, even if they aren’t being done for you, and appreciate the goodness that still lies in people’s hearts.  You might see someone give up their place in a long check out line to someone with fewer groceries or someone much older.  A driver on a busy highway might slow down to give you access as you merge from the entrance ramp.  The person at the end of a business call might give you a sincere wish to have a great day even though the transaction doesn’t even call for anything other than a professional attitude.  These are small things, but when we notice them, they can really warm our hearts and build our faith in the human spirit.

THE LOVE OF FAMILY.  Do you ever take your relatives for granted?  Or do you hear people constantly complaining about their spouse and kids?  Thought it’s easier sometimes to notice the negative, the love of your family is a wonderful thing, but it’s also the easiest to take for granted.  Call your grandparents, send a letter to a cousin, or jut keep in touch with your siblings or parents.  Appreciate how they’ve built your life, and how growing up with the family you did has shaped who you are today for a better or for worse.  Everyone has faults, and sometimes we forget to forgive those faults when it comes to relatives.  Realize that they are a part of who you are today, and find happiness in realizing the good things that have come into your life because of them.

YOUR INDIVIDUAL STRENGTH.  Not everyone believes on himself or herself to be a strong person, which would make this one the hardest to find happiness in.  No matter how weak you believe you are, you have an inner strength that has most likely brought you through several hard times in your life.  Reflect on those times and see how far you’ve come by the power of your own will and determination.  Appreciate what you’ve been able to do, whether it was something as big as finding the courage to get out of an abusive relationship, or something as small as working towards finding a better career.  Every step you have taken in life has been full of conflict that you have had to be strong to overcome in one way or another.  Never lose sight of that and take joy in both all you have done and what you are yet to do.

The mindset that something great and wonderful has to happen before we can be happy is a myth.  If you believe that winning a prize or buying yourself that great item that you’ve been wanting so long is going to make you happy, you’re absolutely right.  It will make you happy… for about two hours.  Then you’ll be looking for something else to bring on that shot of joy.  Take pleasure out of the little things in life that happen more frequently and you’ll find that long-term solution to true happiness.

Article courtesy of Amanda Sposato from Yahoo Voices.

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I believe that everything happens for a reason. 

People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that

you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn

to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

--- Marilyn Monroe

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were mean to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.  You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, teacher, fraternal brother or sister, long lost friend, lover or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know that at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower or heart.

Everything happens for a reason.  Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck.  Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.  Without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere.  It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become.  Even the bad experiences can be learned from.  In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.  If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.  If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.  Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possible can for you may never be able to experience it again.  Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen.  Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high.  Hold your head up because you have every right to.  Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, if will be hard for others to believe in you.  You can make your life anything you wish.  Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.  Most importantly, if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.  And finally, enjoy looking forward to learning a new lesson each day and enjoying the journey.

Article courtesy of the Phoenix Masonry Library.

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